What does this mean in this context ? 結構堪える [A character's thought about a girl when she's keeping a distance from him, while sitting with him]

Question

This is MC's thought about a girl who's sitting next to him, but she's still keeping a distance with him.

This is hard for me to understand, so much thanks if anyone can help me understand what he has been thinking here o/ (the last part ...結構堪える)

俺、そんなに嫌われたのかな……
(Did she hate me that much ...)

すっごい可愛いし、最初はフレンドリーにしてくれたのに……結構堪える。
(She's very cute, and was friendly at first though....??)

Answer 1

This 堪える is read こたえる. In this context, it means "this is tough", "it saddens me", etc.

こた・える〔こたへる〕【応える】

２ 外からの刺激を身に強く感じる。「寒さが骨身に―・える」「父の死が―・えた」

こた・える【応える】

❷刺激や苦痛がひどく負担になる。
「酷暑が（身に）応える」「友人の死が骨身に応える」「つれない言葉が心に応える」「深酒は体に応える」

_{(Source: 明鏡国語辞典(第三版))}

応える【こたえる】

2. to affect; to take a toll; to strike home; to have an effect on; to be hard on someone (e.g. heat, cold, work, illness, etc.); to be a strain​ See also 堪える, sometimes 堪える

As those entries suggest, the correct kanji for this meaning is 応える, not 堪える. But this "misuse" of 堪える is common, and we may have to accept this.

堪える is also read as こらえる and たえる, in which case it only means "to endure".

• What's the difference between 堪える{こたえる} and 堪える{こらえる}？