I understand the overall meaning of the conversation but I don't really get why "とか" is used nor why the second sentence ends with ではなくて instead of ではない。
Thank you very much in advance :)
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It's not a question of who but rather ...
This とか means 'things such as' so 誰とか implies "(questions) such as who".
Xではなくて is literally 'not X and ...', but often translates rather more naturally as "rather than X ..."
As a non-native speaker I'm on thinner ground here. I don't know if adding です is grammatical but I think, rather than leaving the sentence hanging with the ..., it converts it into a statement, but I can't think of a natural way to put all those parts together into an English sentence, so I think I;ll stick with my translation above. Maybe someone else can do a more convincing job.