I recently wrote something and has someone check it, and then had someone else look over it to see if it's natural. The text in question was this,


Why is it that the speech styles are allowed to be mixed here?

  • Could you clarify your question? Someone who checked this did not point out the mixture of the styles? This passage has many unnatural wordings, and the mixture of the two styles is just one of the unnatural points.
    – naruto
    Oct 5 '20 at 23:47
  • @naruto The 2nd person who checked did not point it out, no. I suspected that it might be because the 'you' form was used so it was like speaking directly to the reader and that's why...but I was not quite sure if the passage itself was natural either. Could you point out what else is unnatural? Thanks for your time :)
    – gudetama
    Oct 5 '20 at 23:51
  • Hmm, I can get most of the passage, but what is 動物的で利己的でない追求 in original English? Something like "animal-like yet non-selfish purpose"?
    – naruto
    Oct 5 '20 at 23:59
  • 1
    @naruto The whole sentence is "Only by acknowledgement of the evil within us can we start to progress towards less animalistic and selfish pursuits."
    – gudetama
    Oct 6 '20 at 0:00

You must not mix the two styles without a clear reason. Native speakers can instantly notice the inconsistency. If the second checker is a native speaker who is good at proofreading, I guess they did not point this out simply because they were too busy mentioning other unnatural points in this passage.

This text is good overall as far as simple grammar goes, but needs improvement regarding word choices. One notable grammatical mistake is 動物的で利己的でない追求, which would mean "animalistic and non-selfish pursuits".

A corrected version written as a serious plain-form essay is:


A corrected version written as polite, conversational, preach- or lecture-style text is:


  • Omg wow! Thank you so much T__T!! Would you be willing to correct the other parts perhaps? You can say no since there are around 4 other paragraphs and I'd hate to be a burden...But I'd be happy to provide you with the English transcript if that would help you (since I noticed you are learning English?) Thank you so much again, I would love to return the favor somehow T__T
    – gudetama
    Oct 6 '20 at 0:22
  • 2
    Sorry, this site is not for bulk proofreading... If you can focus on one specific word usage or grammatical point, I'm willing to help here.
    – naruto
    Oct 6 '20 at 0:25
  • No problem at all! Thank you for all your help !!
    – gudetama
    Oct 6 '20 at 0:30

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