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Is my sentence correct?

My version is 魔女たちは空へ飛びあがって、一斉に「どこか遠くへ連れていって」と言いました。

I wanted to say: "The witches rose up to the sky and said together "Take us somewhere far away!"

It is a fairytale.

Should I use 一緒に insted of 一斉に?

Can witches command to their broomsticks どこか遠くへ連れていって or it should me another words?

  • It seems right. Where do you find unconfident in particular? Simple proofreading request is off-topic. – broccoli facemask - cloth Jul 12 at 9:06
  • 1) Should I use 一緒に insted of 一斉に? – hatarakibachi Jul 12 at 9:34
  • 2) can witches command to their broomsticks どこか遠くへ連れていって or it should me another words – hatarakibachi Jul 12 at 9:34
  • 1
    sorry, of course, this is my first day on the website – hatarakibachi Jul 12 at 9:38
  • 1
    no problem, welcome to Japanese.SE! – broccoli facemask - cloth Jul 12 at 9:45
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一斉に is used when many people do the same short action simultaneously and often individually (e.g., visiting a website). On the other hand, 一緒に is just like "together"; it can be used with a long action (like 買いものをする), and it can be used when there are only two people, but it's usually not used when many people do the same thing individually. In your context, both are fine, but 一斉に looks a bit more natural to me.

どこか遠くへ連れていって looks perfectly fine to me.

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