I need to know if this follows the rules of a traditional Japanese haiku as well as if it's any good. My Japanese is still very much at a beginning level but it's very important to me that this haiku be in Japanese and it will be read by a fluent Japanese speaker. Thank you for any and all help

寒い夕方冬の月を見るや 一緒に太陽

  • What's your current familiarity with the rules? – Leebo Oct 23 '18 at 1:10
  • I know it follows a 5-7-5 pattern, you must use a kigo which is a nature imagery, and kireji which is a cutting word and has no real English equivalent. – user31682 Oct 23 '18 at 1:20
  • 5
    ^ ん?ぜんぜん5-7-5になってないけど・・「さむいゆうがた、ふゆのつきをみるや、いっしょにたいよう」て7-9-8moraeやん・・ちょっと長すぎない? – Chocolate Oct 23 '18 at 1:40
  • 1
    As @Chocolate mentioned, what you wrote is not in 5-7-5. I don't know how you counted, but you're supposed to count by morae. 1 mora corresponds to 1 kana if you write your Haiku in hiragana. (But yoons are counted as 1 e.g. ぎょ、しゃ、etc.) The first word 寒い is さむい (sa-mu-i) and therefore counts as 3. – yushi Oct 23 '18 at 2:05

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