I'm in the middle of my painting and I don't want the name to be wrong cause the whole thing takes me days. Please help if you can :)
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No, this looks horribly odd to me. This is as bad and cryptographic as this:
Virtually everyone who is fluent in Japanese will misread this at first sight, although perhaps most will eventually notice what is the intended meaning if her picture were with this.
This is how the characters should normally be aligned in case you didn't know:
As a design work, you can move the positions of the characters like this while maintaining readability:
If those vertical bars with a concave outline are supposed to be 「ー」, then this is technically correct if the reader can guess how they should be read.
Usually vertical writing is top-to-down and right-to-left, though, so this looks as weird as
wr it ing
(okay you got the point) like this.
Here is an example of how (manga) sound effects are normally written: