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I'd like to ask whether my writing is correct or not; I'm trying to write a formal email following up my previous email in regard of topic X. The way I write it is like this :

Xデモ​依頼​について,メールをお送りします.

I was wondering if this is the correct way to say it - it make sense in English but seems awkward in Japanese.

In general this is what I'm trying to write :

Xデモ​依頼​について,メールをお送りします. ​突然のメール失礼いたします。

​先日​​送らせていただいたメールですが,ご確認いただけましたでしょうか​​。​

Xに関連するご質問がございましたらお気軽に​​​​お問い合わせください​。

お返事をお待ちしております.

Any suggestions to improve my awkward email is very much appreciated, thankyou!

  • my awkward email >> いえいえ、ぜんぜんawkwardじゃないと思います。 – Chocolate Apr 10 '17 at 13:50
  • 句読点以外問題ありません。>Xデモ​依頼​について,メールをお送りします. →Xデモ​依頼​についてメールをお送りします。 ​>先日​​送らせていただいたメールですが,ご確認いただけましたでしょうか​​。→先日​​送らせていただいたメールですが、ご確認いただけましたでしょうか​​。 – mackygoo Apr 10 '17 at 14:43
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    Why is this getting so many close votes? The OP gave their own attempt. – Blavius Apr 10 '17 at 18:46
  • @makygooさんとChocolateさん, お返事ありがとうございます。 – Melisa Apr 11 '17 at 11:39
  • I would consider using ~につきまして depending on whom you're addressing. – istrasci Apr 12 '17 at 6:28
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You can omit "突然のメール失礼いたします。". This sentence is normally used when you have never sent the email before.

With regard to the first sentence, Xデモ​依頼の件​についてメールをお送りしています。 would sound more natural.

All the other parts are perfect.

  • Thankyou for the feedback! I'm still grasping the application difference of しています and します (due to my confusion whether 'I'm sending an email' is counted as an actual process or not; because by the time the mail was read by the recipient, the process would have been finished). I've revised my email draft accordingly, thankyou! – Melisa Apr 13 '17 at 4:40
  • In this case, the difference of しています and します is similar to that of 'I am sending an email' and 'I send an email'. 'お送りします' implicates it is a regular action (or the recipient is expecting this email coming), while 'お送りしています' implicates it is an irregular action. – ErikaO Apr 14 '17 at 1:11
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You can use:

Watashi ha [topic] ni tsuite meeru wo kaiteimasu. (私は[topic]についてメールを書いています)

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