1

so I was asked to translate something and the sentence was

Wear like mirror surface is found in wide area where top, second, and oil ring slide"

(Quite technical I know)

I translated it too:

トップとセコンドとオイルリング所に広い摩耗の鏡面が見える

After I explained the English sentence to my Senpai, he then corrected it to be:

摩耗して鏡面のようになっている部分がトップとセコンドとオイルリングスライド所の広い 範囲である

I know hes right and used more natural Japanese than I did but I want to know your opinion. Was my sentence hard to understand that it had to be corrected?

And what`s the difference between his and my sentence? Cause I still think my sentence is more understandable (too me anyway). How do I change my way of thinking so I can imitate his sentence structure more?

Thank you!

  • 6
    The English sentence looks kind of odd. – Aeon Akechi Aug 31 '16 at 1:30
  • The sentence is about an engine? The word "slide" in the top, second, and oil ring slide is a verb, not a noun, right? In your Sempai's translation, it's translated as a noun -> トップとセコンドとオイルリングスライドの所 (<- I think you're missing a の between スライド and 所) – Chocolate Aug 31 '16 at 1:38
  • Wear like mirror surface --> 鏡面のような _________ in general, Yours is a bit too condensed. Also, try to keep the original order of keywords, if possible. – HizHa Aug 31 '16 at 1:46
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    The English is ungrammatical itself. If 'oil ring slide' is a noun, it should say say "Mirror-surface-like wear is found in wide areas such as the top, second, and oil ring slides". If it's a verb if it should be "... found where the top, second, and oil ring slide". It's difficult to translate when the original meaning isn't clear at all. – Ciaran Aug 31 '16 at 1:56
  • 1
    Heh.. If "Oil Ring slide" is a noun, then what's the verb of "top, second, and oil ring slide"? – Chocolate Aug 31 '16 at 4:07
3

This sentence is about "ring wear grooves of cylinders" found in the middle of this article, right? I'm assuming "slide" at the end of the sentence is a verb. After some googling, I could not find a part called "a ring slide" in pistons.

And is this native speaker an engineer who is good at English? His translation does not seem natural; actually your translation attempt looks even better to me.

I would translate this as:

  • トップリング、セカンドリング、オイルリングがすべる広い範囲に鏡面のような摩耗が見える。
  • トップ・セカンド・オイルの各リングが摺動【しゅうどう】する広範な部位に鏡面【きょうめん】状【じょう】の摩耗が認められる。

The second one should look more technical. Engines are beyond my scope of expertise, and real experts may further improve this.

  • リング所 would mean nothing to me. Don't directly connect arbitrary nouns with 所. It simply does not work.
  • ×セコンド → セカンド
  • 摩耗の鏡面 makes little sense, but it would be taken as something like "worn mirror surface" as if you were talking about an actual mirror.
  • As this is a technical sentence, I chose technical-sounding words (広い → 広範な, 見える → 認められる, すべる → 摺動する). I'm not really familiar with the word 摺動, but many Japanese articles about pistons (like this) seem to use this term.
  • 状 is another handy suffix which means "-like", "-oid", "in the form of ~". (e.g., 円盤状 = discoid, 棒状 = rod-like)
  • In the first example I explicitly said 「トップリング、セカンドリング、オイルリング」 to avoid any confusion. You can also say 「トップ・セカンド・オイルリング」 or 「トップ・セカンド・オイルの3つのリング」.
  • Talk about going above and beyond! The native speaker is an engineer who does not speak English. Thank you for researching a bit before answering the question as it does clarify a lot of things that I missed out on. I will go with the first translation you used because the target audience of this manual is for the factory floor people and I think they would appreciate easily understandable terms more. Your explanations on my misused terms are exactly the stuff I need to clear my doubts when using them! Thank you so much! – Tomas1337 Aug 31 '16 at 5:36

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