4

This passage of the movie, Kotonoha No Niwa:

鳴る神の
少し響みてさし曇り
雨も降らぬか
きみを留めむ

Several sites translate as:

A faint clap of thunder,
clouded skies.
Perhaps rain will come.
If so, will you stay here with me?

And, the translation I see:

Thunder echoes weak.
Amid the cloudy (sky).
The rain will fall?
You'll remain here (?) (my certainty in that sentence is close to 0%).

I don't trust a lot in my translation, but I place less trust in texts found online. Could anyone tell me which one is more correct and why?
Or, if both are completely wrong, how I can properly translate this passage?

5

Let's modernize it first.

かみなりが 少し響いて 空に雲がさして曇り 雨でも降らないか… 君を留めよう.

I wonder if thunder echoes weak, cloud interferes with the sky and rain or something falls. (Then,) I'll keep you here.

  • Many thanks for the reply! It was concise and very useful. Inspired me to look for more about the differences between the archaic language and current too (to understand your changes). Again, thanks ^^. – dfs5 Sep 26 '15 at 21:52

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