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I am just doing some homework and I can't make the sentence I want.

Concretely, I want to write

"If you start smoking again, I'm going to give you a good spanking."

If I say this in England or other parts in Europe (in a different language) the person I am telling this will laugh (or at least smile). Because of course I am not actually going to beat them up even if they start smoking again.

How can I say this in Japanese?

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There are so many ways to render it with a similar effect. Idiolect could play a significant role, reflecting one's generation, gender, personality, proclivity to use humor, etc.

The addressee's reaction could depend on HOW you say it, too, e.g., with affected seriousness, with subtle cuteness, a deadpan tone/face, furrowed brows with eyes smiling, etc.

Just a few examples that come to mind: また吸い始めたら +お仕置きするからね +ただじゃおかないからね +さらし首かな +縛り首(しばりくび)だな +ギロチンだね +死刑だよ +おへそガリガリの刑だからね(dozens of variations are possible on this 〜の刑).

For added emphasis you could repeat the noun part immediately after these, e.g., ギロチンだね、ギロチン!(with or without the exclamation mark).

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    Some of those examples are adorable haha. – Chronopolis Aug 5 '15 at 18:39
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    Hahaha, I like this. Thank you! And I'm so glad that I can say this in Japanese too. Sometimes I feel like certain things just can't be said here. – ナウシカ Aug 5 '15 at 23:23
  • +1 Yeah, some of them r f:::: hilarious. – Kentaro Tomono Aug 8 '15 at 11:10

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