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I'm a bit confused with 「V酵素は、・・・高純度のものを持っています」 part in the following passage. Since the subject is V酵素, shouldn't it be 「酵素は、年を経て強力になったヴァンパイアほど高純度のものになる。」, or maybe I'm mistaken something?
Fast translation: The more vampire become stronger with the flow of time, the more clearer V-ferment becomes.
V酵素は、年を経て強力になったヴァンパイアほど高純度のものを持っています。彼女のそれは想定しうる最高質のものです。
Excellent question!
Original:「[V酵素]{ブイこうそ}は、年{とし}を経{へ}て強力{きょうりょく}になったヴァンパイアほど高純度{こうじゅんど}のものを持{も}っています。」
Subject:「（年を経て強力になった）ヴァンパイア」
Verb:「持っています」
「V酵素」 is the topic, but not the subject of this sentence. ← You thought it was the subject, right?
Yours:「V酵素は、年を経て強力になったヴァンパイアほど高純度のものになる。」
This sentence is actually close to being correct, using 「V酵素」 as the subject. You must change the middle part to make it correct.
Use 「ヴァンパイアが年を経て強力になるほど」 and it would be a perfect sentence. It just will be a grammatically different sentence from the original but a 100% correct sentence on its own.
