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In my earlier question "Line of code" in Japanese I was trying to figure out a word for the following sentence:

余計【よけい】な行【ぎょう】を抜く【ぬく】と状況【じょうきょう】が直った【なおった】。 "Once the unnecessary lines were removed, things worked properly."

In the exchange that followed, it was pointed out that while the intended meaning is discernible, it has a distinctly translated-into-Japanese feeling. What is a better way of expressing my intent per the translation above?

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「状況が直った」 sounds kind of informal and depending on who you are speaking to, it could sound a little bit unadultlike. How about a 「状況が[改善]{かいぜん}した or された」?

「余計な」 would sound too colloquial here. I would use 「[不要]{ふよう}な」 or 「[不必要]{ふひつよう}な」.

「抜く」 also sounds conversational. You might go with 「[削除]{さくじょ}する」

Examples:

「不要な行を削除したところ、状況が改善した。」

「不要な行を削除したところ、状況に改善が見られた。」 ← My best TL.

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  • So it sounds like the problem was more a matter of formality than being unnatural perhaps. Setting 余計 aside, is this due mostly to the lack of 漢語 in my original sentence?
    – Kaji
    Mar 27, 2014 at 4:29
  • In short, yes. I assumed this was for business and we use lots of on-reading words in business.
    – user4032
    Mar 27, 2014 at 6:13

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