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I have seen and heard all these words being used before all to mean wife, but what is the differences between them?
I know some, such as 家内, can only be used for your own wife, but which are which?
Additionally, I have heard there is a similar situation with words for husband, such as 主人、夫、旦那 and more. Could you explain those as well?
Husband can use all of these like 私の家内, 私の嫁, うちの嫁, 私の妻, うちの奥さん, かみさん, うちのかみさん. In these words, かみさん is friendly and colloquial. Other persons cannot use 家内, 嫁, 妻, because it's not polite. Others can say あなたの奥さん, おたくの奥さん, おかみさん.
Wife says 私の主人, うちの主人, 私の夫, うちの旦那. In these words, 旦那 indicates the wife is not respectful of her husband. If others use 夫, it's not polite. Others say ご主人, あなたのご主人, おたくのご主人, あなたの旦那さま.
家内/主人 is a polite humble word. 嫁/旦那 is an item which is taken into the family clan, so it has a shade of oldie heritage. 妻/夫 is a legal neutral word.
The maid would say 奥さま, ご主人さま.
細君 is a little bit classical word, often seen in old Japanese novels. 宿六 yado roku is another little bit classical word for a husband. 宿六 is funny and disrespectful, 細君 is decent.
家内 literally translates to "in the house," so even Japanese people feel it's a bit old fashioned (a bit like something an old-fashioned boomer might say).
The most neutral term is probably 妻 which nuance-wise most directly translates to "wife" (vs husband), and you'd only use it to refer to your own wife. I'm Japanese American and I'd feel most natural using this term.
Like others have said, 奥さん is the polite/slightly-casual way to refer to other people's wives. 奥 means "inside" or something similarly withdrawn though, so doesn't feel the most ideal to me, but not sure about other commonly accepted alternatives.
