Understanding そうまでして光里のことを思い出してほしくないのかと自分で自分に呆れる

Question

This is the first few entries of a diary written by 清香, who is taking care of くるみ. She purposefully let herself to lose her memory every day for some reason and to make up for it, she writes a diary.

I have trouble understanding one sentence from the last entry. For context, スリープタイト is the name of a book くるみ reads, given by her friend 光里 from a place 箱庭.

そうまでして光里のことを思い出してほしくないのかと自分で自分に呆れる

I assume that そう refers to 中身をすり替えている and 本棚の高い位置に移動した. I have trouble making sense of 光里のことを思い出してほしくないのかと. It seems like 清香 was conflicted with herself that she don't want her to remember 光里?

(Source: she is beautiful ch. 43)

Answer 1

A complete understanding of the story is necessary to answer this type of question, but if I simply read the diary...

• そう refers only to 高い位置に移動した and not 中身をすり替えた. The latter had happened long ago and it's not the target of her current 呆れ.
• そうまでして光里のことを思い出して欲しくないのか probably means:
  • So I hate Kurumi remembering Hikari so much that I go this far?
  • So I'm going this far to stop Kurumi from recalling Hikari.
  • Doing this much to ensure Kurumi won't be reminded of Hikari...