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What I want to convey is "It truly is painful ((for me)), to think that I might actually have caused you pain."


(((( Or to make it clearer, other ways of saying it: "I truly find it painful to consider the possibility of myself having been yet another reason for your pain." /"It is truly painful for me to consider that I might in fact have caused you additional suffering." ))))))


I have the following translations:

私は実際にあなたに痛みを引き起こさせてしまったことをしたことを考えるだけでも辛いです。るとことも痛いです。


私が君のことを傷つけてしまった かも知れないと思うと、本当に心が沈みます。


もしかして〇〇さんを悩[なや]ませてしまったことを考[かんが]えると、私も悩…

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I think the first or the second translationare the best, the last one is kind of incomplete as of now, but basically which of these is the most correct/precise one? Any idea?

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A simple や~、傷つけてもてすまない。 is fine. –  oldergod Jul 20 '13 at 0:55
4  
@oldergod Is that really in keeping with the tone that mia is trying to portray? I'd find that very rude unless it came from a friend about something quite minor. –  Billy Jul 20 '13 at 22:47
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@oldergod What is fine about it when it is NOT even close to being grammatical? –  Tokyo Nagoya Oct 19 '13 at 1:05
    
@TokyoNagoya Thanks, I really like your username btw. –  oldergod Oct 21 '13 at 0:33
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2 Answers

The first one sounds way too wordy and awkward (and serious) even without the ungrammaticalness of the しまったことをしたことを part. If the mistake you are apologizing for is really huge, you could use this type of a sentence, though.

The second one sounds fairly natural. You need to drop the 私が part if you are shooting for a native-level naturalness. You could leave the 沈みます as is if you wanted to make it sound a little poetic, but if not, 痛みます would be a more natural word choice.

However, I do need to mention the imbalance in the combination of 私 and 君 unless an older man is speaking to a MUCH younger woman.

The third one would look pretty natural as well if you changed the しまったことを to しまったと AND change the 考える to 思う. The ending can be 悩んでしまいます.

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君を傷つけてしまったかもしれないと思うと、本当に心が痛むよ。

It's close to the second one.

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